rt thinking about you actually. It only tortures me, and does you no good. I don't want you to be away from me. But if I start fretting it wastes something. Patience, always patience. This is my fortieth winter. And I can't help all the winters that have been. But this winter I'll stick to my little Pentecost flame, and have some peace. And I won't let the breath of people blow it out. I believe in a higher mystery, that doesn't let even the crocus be blown out. And if you're in Scotland and I'm in the Midlands, and I can't put my arms round you, and wrap my legs round you, yet I've got something of you. My soul softly Naps in the little Pentecost flame with you, like the peace of fucking. We fucked a flame into being. Even the flowers are fucked into being between the sun and the earth. But it's a delicate thing, and takes patience and the long pause.

而这正是我不愿对你魂牵梦绕的原因。那只会让我痛苦不堪，对你也毫无裨益。我不想与你天各一方。但若我因此开始焦虑，那也只是徒劳。忍耐，坚定不移地忍耐。我已经迎来生命中的第40个冬天。以往的冬季都在蹉跎中度过。但这个冬天，我会坚守着这股圣灵降临的小小火焰，享受着内心的寂静。我不会任由世人的鼻息将它吹灭。我相信更高的神秘存在，它能庇佑心灵之花安然无恙。即便你远在苏格兰，而我却留在英格兰中部，无法将你拥在怀里，无法把你绕在腿间，但你却永驻于我心间。在圣灵降临的小小火焰中，我的灵魂与你温柔共憩，享受着堪比性爱的平和。我们的性爱赋予爱火以生命。而太阳与大地的交合则孕育出千娇百媚的花朵。但这恰巧是件微妙的事情，需要耐心及长久的等待。

So I love chastity now, because it is the peace that comes of fucking. I love being chaste now. I love it as snowdrops love the snow. I love this chastity, which is the pause of peace of our fucking, between us now like a snowdrop of forked white fire. And when the real spring comes, when the drawing together comes, then we can fuck the little flame brilliant and yellow, brilliant. But not now, not yet! Now is the time to be chaste, it is so good to be chaste, like a river of cool water in my soul. I love the chastity now that it flows between us. It is like fresh water and rain. How can men want wearisomely to philander. What a misery to be like Don Juan, and impotent ever to fuck oneself into peace, and the little flame alight, impotent and unable to be chaste in the co